under cover.

So happy your blog is back up. Now, for the subject at hand. As someone who knew you in your PPDs (pre purdah days?) it’s definitely a change, but I think you looking f-ing fabulous in your headscarf.

(and your Dr Evil impression always cracked me up)

I’m just someone who happened to stumble upon your blog. I know how you feel about the headscarf; truthfully the only reason i started to wear mine was because my parents told me to. i did find it strange at first but not so much now, sometimes seeing other girls with gorgeous hair does still pinch something inside, though i read an article about Muhammad Ali and what he said to his daughter when she wore something revealing-
“Everything that God has mad valuable in the world is covered and hard to get. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered and protected with layers and layers of rock. Your body is sacred. Your far more precious then diamonds and pearls, you should cover up to.”

I don’t really think it changes my idea of you. Yes, I would tend to think someone who wears a scarf is serious but then, despite the Pistons love, I already thought that about you. But I also don’t happen to think that serious equals someone devoid of humor. Maybe the word to use is thoughtful? Either way, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you talking about the latest Piston’s game while wearing the scarf.

i came across a similar post on another blog yesterday and thought (and wrote) exactly the same thing i’m going to say now: everyone judges people based on what they wear - it’s one of the main cues for us. i get judged on what i wear, especially when i’m in clubbing gear, and it’s often not flattering. i don’t see how wearing a tube top or a mini-skirt says anything about my attitude towards sex, yet i’m pretty sure many men assume that i’d be ‘easy’ and dumb. and like you, they hear me open my mouth and (hopefully) discover that i’m more than just a scantily clad bimbo. i also get extremely puzzled or surprised looks when i offer my views on politics, philosophy, religion, film or books.

don’t you think non-muslim (or even muslim) women who wear skimpy clothes also become caricatures, especially for the muslim population? i’ve heard enough muslim men comment on how all the ‘gori’ women with bare midriffs are going to hell and will burn!

i guess my point is that everyone judges every one else…we’re all guilty of it. i get surprised myself when a women with expertly applied make-up, glamorous hair and clothes turns out to be a lot less self-absorbed that i’d expect her to be.

actually, doesn’t it make life a lot more interesting? at least we keep people guessing and we keep challenging them, as opposed to them being able to have us all figured out the moment they lay eyes on us.

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Well, I knew you before you wore a headscarf, so it’s not quite the same. But I think it’s fair for people to have pre-conceived impressions of other people based on their looks, religious attire, body language, etc. It’s part of how we work as humans, we evaluate our environment, based on past experience and knowledge, that’s a good thing, it keeps us alive and sane. What’s bad is when people transfer permanent negative (or positive) feelings to someone based on that perception, giving unfair advantage or disadvantage to the person without giving the individual an opportunity to define themselves, and aren’t willing to adjust their perception based on the unique person.

However, if someone wears a t-shirt with a Marijuana leaf on it it’s not unfair to assume they enjoy smoking pot. Or if someone wears a clerical collar, it’s safe to assume they are a priest and they probably have certain religious views, and political views, etc. Some people might assume they like to molest little boys, which would be entirely unfair, but based on a few bad apples in history that’s become a concern and the priest may have to work extra hard to show that he’s not a nut. Hopefully people give the benefit of the doubt. But if the priest isn’t willing to openly condemn other priests for that behavior (even if he condemns it privately) then it’s fair for others to be suspicious. It would be ideal if everyone could know everything about someone’s character right away, but that’s not possible, so it takes time to earn trust. And if you are “different” in some way, especially if you go out of your way to be different by your actions, clothing, etc, then it can take even longer.

Well the same thing is true of Muslim men or women. Men who grow their beard long in a certain style, who wear certain dress or head covering, are making a statement that they want others to hear. They are saying, “I believe this is more holy” or “I believe people should dress this way or grow their beards out in order to show respect to God…” or whatever they might be thinking, it’s probably something along these lines. They are saying they believe a certain religion with enough zeal that they go out of their way to act against the dominating culture. This doesn’t mean they are extremists, but they are extreme enough to make a statement they know will alienate them in some way from the dominant culture. And good for them, if they believe that, great, but from first impressions people don’t necessarily know what the specific beliefs are on a range of topics, and like it or not Islam today has a lot of baggage right now. Muslims who don’t recognize that people have a right to be scared of some Islamic beliefs, aren’t being fair to non-muslims. Sure, extremism is a minority problem, but with a billion Muslims in the world, a minority of 100 million extremist is still scary to people. And whenever religious (of any kind) beliefs are mixed with political or social aspirations (as they are with much of extremist Islam) it’s dangerous and scary to people outside that culture. And just like most non-christians don’t understand the subtle (or not so subtle) differences between Baptists, Presbyterians, Catholics, Lutherans and Methodists, non-muslims don’t understand the differences between shiites and sunnis and every flavor in between.

And whenever you do something because you think it makes you more holy you are implicitly saying that others are less holy because they don’t think or act like you. It’s not intentional, but it’s hard for people not to feel judged (this is common when people are around fundamentalist Chrisitans). Try walking through Mea Sharim in Jerusalem and see the looks of disgust you get for not wearing a Kipa or women with short sleeves. Or visit an Amish Town and see how you feel judged for your immodest dress. Or tell your Christian Friends you are voting for a democrat and see how they judge you

Anyways, I think judging is normal, and we should try to be better about it. But I think that people who choose to be different need to accept the responsibility for their action, and not take it personally. I would say you have a responsibility to help change people’s perceptions of Muslim women, and that can only change over time, as headscarves become less “foreign”. But you have to work extra hard to not feel alienated by the culture at large, and realize that you are alienating yourself as much as others are alienating you. It goes both ways. There are many muslim women who don’t wear headscarves (and many in places like Iran that wish they didn’t have to), that’s a choice.

I just accidentally came to your blog and it’s the second post I am reading, and I can somehow so relate to what you say. I am in my early 20s and about to finish college soonish and sooo seriously considering a headscarf but it is more difficult than I thought it would be, especially if you have never done it before. You have to be so self-confident with it and hope I get it done, even though I realised a long time ago it’s the right thing, but I am so scared to be judged.